- Did you really get this idea in a pub?
Yes, yes we did. Newton started thinking about gravity while nursing a hangover under an apple tree. John Pemberton created the world’s most famous soft drink while trying to cure a headache. Ours was born from the mouth of a natty Englishman.
- Where do you get your sayings?
We stay pretty busy here at WIL, and things happen. We, like you, enjoy unwinding with a glass of wine. It makes us “inspired.” Some of our best ideas though, come from you.
- Can I machine-wash my WIL shirt?
The shirtologists in our top-secret WIL laboratory have tested all of our materials. Follow the directions on the label and you should be all right. Standard washing should be fine, but we like detergents that are friendly to grapes, so no bleach. Our research has shown that your WIL shirt will NOT, however, make you taller, skinnier, or faster. While others will be envious of your accoutrements, WIL products will not help you to earn more money, land a professional singing gig, or wrestle alligators. Please return your tray table to its upright and locked position, and please, for the safety of our performers, no flash photography.
- Can I return my WIL merchandise to you even though I bought it in a store?
We don’t know why you would want to, but no. We will gladly accept or exchange any products bought through this website, but all other items should be returned to the retail outlet of purchase.
- Do I have to pay for the shipping on a return?
Maybe. If we have sent you a defective or incorrect item, we’ll gladly foot the bill. We try to keep our beautiful merchandise reasonable, so we ask that you work with us to find the best way to return it. If you decide that “merlot” is not your color, we’d love to exchange it for a chardonnay, but you will be required to pay the shipping.
- When will I get my refund?
We process refunds and exchanges pretty quickly. Remember though, that we begin the process when we receive your merchandise. Then we have to go over the item with a fine-toothed comb. If you allow a few days for it to get to us, a few days to process the return, and a few days to send it to you, it can add up pretty fast. If you’ve not received it within four weeks, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
- Can you ship my WIL swag to Kathmandu?
Depends. The Nepalese have a very particular sense of humor. While we can ship to virtually any address in the whole wine world, there are restrictions on some products. We also like to put our products directly into your eager hands, so we will not ship to an APO or PO Box. If UPS isn’t into it, then we aren’t either.
- When will I get my WIL stuff?
We appreciate your eagerness. When you order with us, we will estimate a delivery date based on the availability of your treasured item and the shipping option that you have chosen. Depending on the shipping provider that you have chosen, date estimates may appear on the shipping quotes page of your order. Most orders are received within three to four weeks, or before the next lunar cycle. We cannot estimate delivery dates for Simon. He drives a Gremlin. He also gets lost going to the bathroom, so give him a real address and not a PO or APO Box. Otherwise he’ll never make it back.
- How expensive is it to ship WIL swag?
We like to keep your swag-expense as reasonable as possible. Rates will depend on how much you enjoy WIL and how you want it sent. 400 shirts will cost a bit to send, while Simon just gets gas money for the Gremlin.
- Can I put my own pithy saying on a WIL item?
We hold no sway on dispensing jocularity, though we can offer a bon mot with dispatch. If you’re funnier than us then drop us a line. You can even create a WIL item for your Aunt Edna. Remember though, our Aunt Edna is a prude, and reserves the right to reject your drollery at her discretion, so keep it clean.
- What if I’ve messed up my pithy saying?
If you catch us in time, we may be able to fix it. Contact us at email@example.com or 302-650-3672. Don’t dally, though, as things move pretty quickly here. We don’t get pinot until everything is done.
- Will you pay me for a pithy saying?
While we applaud your creativity, any content submitted or merchandise prepared for a custom product will become the intellectual property of Wine is Life, and we will reserve the right to use it for however we darned well please. If you’re really good, we may hire you, but don’t quit your day job yet.
- Will my WIL shirt fit me if I wear a size 2 (though sometimes a 6 but maybe a 12)?
We spent 14½ years measuring millions of average people in countries all over the world to come up with the sizes for WIL products. We threw out the statistics for pygmies and the Dutch (they’re freakishly tall as a country) to come up with our patented Wine is Life Mean Size Propensity Chart. If it says “medium” it’s a pretty generic medium.
- Who makes your beautiful products?
Many of our beautiful WIL products are made right here in the US. To preserve more time for wine, we often use manufacturers like Anvil and Fruit of the Loom, but only the good guys. We also manufacture swag in some other countries, but again, we’re pretty picky.
- How can I get in on this?
We knew that you’d like it. You, too, can feel the blush of grappa-inspired success. There are a variety of ways to license and sell WIL swag. If you would like to learn more about being a WIL partner, go to the License Some Wine page and email us with any questions that you may have. Someone will be in touch, but it won’t be Simon. He’s not allowed in the office.
- How will I get my wine swag?
Contrary to rumors, we will not deliver by fairy, stork, or passenger pigeon. The cost of feed is killer. Normally, it gets out of here in a few days. If you’re in the US or Canada and we get to decide the shipping method, it should be gracing your threshold in three or four weeks. We like UPS and the Postal Service, but whatever is most efficient for the amount of Wine is Life swag and where you want it sent. Keep in mind; delivery times and terms of delivery are only binding insofar as Wine is Life has expressly agreed in writing, so put down the Pinot and take a close look at that order confirmation.
- Can I return my Wine is Life Merchandise?
The wonderful images and information that we put up here are just that – information. We try to be as detailed as possible, but you know, things happen and we’re pretty quick to Wine Wednesdays. If you see it in your order confirmation, it’s pretty solid dope. Now, we have from time to time sent out some stuff that was a little less than stellar. That, too, happens. And we’re sorry. But when that’s happened in the past (really it was like two times), we’ve replaced swag, cancelled orders, cut some folks a good deal to just keep the swag, and other things. We try to avoid confrontation. We’re not saying that we’re just going to up and do these things for you, but it has happened. And if something unthinkable like that does happen, we’ll have a little chat and come to an agreement all gentlemanly-like. If we ask you to ship something back to us because we’ve screwed up, just send it and we’ll pay you back after we’ve received and verified your swag. Oh, and another darned thing! The interwebs are tricky. Half the time we can’t figure things out. So we can’t really guarantee that everything is totally up to snuff all of the time. It’s a 24/7 world out there, and we don’t like to compute while we enjoy some wine. We can’t be held accountable for the claims and offers made here or by any of our fantastic Wine is Life partners. If it’s on sale at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday it may be gone come Wednesday morning. Just saying. And if you have a beef, the term of limitation for claims under warranty for the goods provided is two years starting from the receipt of such goods. If the customer is in business then the term of limitation is one year. Our lawyer told us to say that.
- How do I pay for my wine swag?
First of all, we won’t barter or trade. That’s how we got Manhattan and we’re still trying to live that down. You can choose debit or credit, or even advance payment or other payment methods. We reserve the right to limit your payment options depending on how much swag you’ve ordered, where you want it to go, or other objective criteria, because that’s how we roll. If, say, we can’t process your payment, because, say, you have a lack of funds or have given us some faulty information (not that any of these things would ever happen), we’re going to expect you to pay us back for any costs that we’ve incurred. Just saying. We also reserve the right to assign these claims to a debt collection agency, and that stinks, so don’t let it happen. If it does, and we hire the goons or another third party, then payment in relation to Wine is Life only counts as made if the amount has been provided contractually to the third party, so that the third party can dispose of it as it sees fit. That’s another one of those things that the lawyer told us to say.